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Joke of the Day

"I saw a front page post today about a woman who hasn't experienced a period in 15 years. That's one long sentence."

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"[first day as aquarium guide] Me: & here's 8 snakes biting a soccer ball Guy: that's an octopus Me [sighs]: fine. 8 snakes biting an octopus"
"May the f... ...orce be equal to mass times acceleration."
"Mom, is this skirt too short? Yes. Your balls are showing, Robert."
"What does a fat person and hitler have in common? Neither of them can finish a race"
"When I get to my deathbed.... I hope it's a tempurpedic."
"There's nothing louder than the end of cycle signal on a dryer."
"Air conditioning? Not a fan"
"Why would a dentist make a good airport security guard? They both enjoy a good cavity search!"
"I bet the guy who invented falling asleep was totally like ""Oh no! I died! Hey, wait a minute..."""