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Joke of the Day

"When my girlfriend and I fight, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house. Just so I can say ""Oh yeah, you need me NOW, huh?"""

"Today, a hobo called me a beautiful princess, but he pronounced it ""I KNOW YOU HAVE CHANGE, YOU STUPID CRACKER BITCH!""."

"Sometimes I think my wife's a bit shallow I wouldn't want the dog digging her up"

"Oh, you asked if I had a perfect BEACH body. Now I see why you were confused when I said ""Yes, I'm round, ripe & covered in fuzz."""

"I'm wearing a shower curtain over my head and pretending to be a ghost. I probably look legit because everybody on this bus is avoiding me."

"Why dogs are called K9? Because cats are K10"

"Back up so I can take your picture. Further More. Keep going. A little bit more distance. Drop off the Earth. Perfect."

"Who invented the round table? Sir Cumference."

"i like to write the word ""gullible"" on the ceiling then say ""hey, look it says gullible on the ceiling."" i don't really understand jokes."

"So Rachel Dolezal becomes a Rapper... Her rap name: the notorius W.H.I.T.E"