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Joke of the Day

"What does a West Virginia couple do on Halloween? They pump kin."

"Guy at the cake shop: So is this for a friend? Me: No, it's for me. Apparently it's weird that I've had 9 birthdays this year."

"Women are like concrete.. You've gotta keep 'em wet and moving 'til you're done laying it."

"[dj voice] ""What's up Dad Party!"" *dads go nuts* ""I wanna know, IS IT GETTING HOT IN HERE?!?"" [dads in unison] DON'T TOUCH THE THERMOSTAT"

"How much does the average Hipster weigh? About 74,000 Insta-grams."

"Why does Bill Clinton chew gum all the time? He has an oral fixation."

"What do you call a Moroccan candy distributor? Fez dispenser."

"Those kids in Sudan would complain a lot less if they knew I struggled every day with having old people hands."

"Mike Rowe Penis Women have told me I have a Mike Rowe penis. I guess it must be because they think it's pretty strong and does dirty jobs... but I think it's a little small myself."

"What's the correct what to enter a Henry VIII convention? You just Amblein."