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Joke of the Day

"U2 donated that album without charging, and we hate it. That's pro bono and anti-Bono at the same time."

"I've lost more friends to Candy Crush than Crystal Meth."

"You've seen those mobile trucks for grooming pets, I just saw a mobile barbershop truck for humans and thought... I wonder if a dog drives that?"

"I wonder what Cannibals & Aztecs would say, watching civilized people eat symbolic hearts of loved ones on Valentine's Day."

"What's worse than giving Willie Nelson a blow job? Finding out it's not Willie Nelson"

"What do you call sliding into home plate, on a green field in Mexico? Muchas Grassy-ass. I'm sorry."

"wtf is almond milk almonds ain't even got titties"

"Did you hear about the man who got his entire left side of his body mauled off by a bear? He's all right now."

"Q: Why won't a bike stand up by itself? A: It's two tired."

"I went to the doctor because my hearing problem The doctor said 'Can you describe the symptoms?' I said 'Yeah, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair'"