135567

Joke of the Day

"I went to the doctor because my hearing problem The doctor said 'Can you describe the symptoms?' I said 'Yeah, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair'"

"Officer: ""Do you know why I'm standing here?"" Me: ""You got all C's in High School?"""

"Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn't wanna share."

"cop: could you please describe the man who tried to kill you me: yeah he was not nice"

"Did you know that Stalin suffered from bulimia? He didn't binge, though, he just purged."

"Everyone's an atheist until they're making a phone call & praying it goes to voicemail"

"The funniest part of being put under with nitrous at the dentist is getting home to find your underwear on backwards."

"What do you call a set of chairs kept outside in Ireland? Paddy O' Furniture"

"If you held a gun to my head and forced me to choose Tobey Maguire's Spider-Man or Andrew Garfield's, I'd probably shit my pants."

"Why didn't the pigs eat the rotten eggs in their feed trough? They were saving the best for last."