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Joke of the Day

"The odds of an asteroid hitting Earth are the same as one bullet hitting another bullet in a duel. Dinosaurs: We'll take those odds!"

"If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I'm very skilled at shooting aliens this way"

"Why shouldn't you buy Ukrainian underpants? Cos Chernobyl fall out"

"Q: What did the candle say when he was down on his luck? A: I'm at wick's end."

"My dad used to say ""fight fire with fire"" I guess that explains why he got thrown out of the fire brigade"

"If the salesman doesn't come with me on the test drive, I just take the car home and wait for them to come get it. I have so many cars now."

"Being single isn't always bad. Look at Kraft cheese for example."

"Q: What do teddy bears like to have in their houses? A: Fur-niture."

"How do you make Polish sausage ? First you gotta find a retarded pig..."

"How does NASA throw a holiday party? They planet."