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Joke of the Day

"If the salesman doesn't come with me on the test drive, I just take the car home and wait for them to come get it. I have so many cars now."

"How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb? Depends on how clumsy you are. *There, I've killed it. Move on /r/jokes, move on.*"

"Stop complaining about your relationship if you're gonna stay in it, dumb ass b*tches.."

"I'm the girl who shows up at a Halloween party where everyone is dressed as something sexy and I'm dressed as a bean bag."

"What's the best thing about being homeless... You don't have to duck and cover during an earthquake."

"I'll stop calling you a racist if you stop bragging about all the marathons you run."

"If only they had and Olympic event for Facebook, my FB friend would win Gold everytime in the Drama event."

"A scientist and a philosopher..."

"I hear China has abandoned it's one child policy, which is great news. I never could eat just the one"

"Why were the coal miners confident of Theodore Roosevelt ? He threatened their boss to use his big stick."