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Joke of the Day

"Champagne says I'm classy. Vodka says I can do anything I want. My therapist says I have to stop talking to my drinks."

"[in bed] Me: got a costume from the Princess Leia slave scene Him: omg yes Me: *disappears to change* *comes back dressed as Jabba the Hutt*"

"Thinking of getting another bed just for all my laundry"

"What do 9 out of 10 people consider fun? A gang rape."

"What's brown and sticky? A stick."

"What is the opposite of a protein? An amateur teen ( )"

"I went to a Native American barber, but I wouldn't recommend him. I got an uneven haircut, and Apache shave."

"Q: Why do ducks look so sad? A: Because when they preen their feathers, they look down in the mouth."

"Did you guys hear about the fight in the bathroom? Two bums got wiped"

"Damn Donald.... Back at it again with the white fans"