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Joke of the Day

"How far can you run into the woods? Halfway, any further and you're running out."

"Remember these two words. They will open up the doors in your life. Push and pull"

"What's a Pedophile's Favorite Part about Hockey? Getting there before the first period."

"You're so ugly, Scorpion be like, ""Stay over there!"""

"I had sex with a can of Coke. The doctor told me that I had contracted... ...Genital Burpies."

"Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar.. ...and doesn't"

"My dog just ate a butterfly and probably saved Tokyo from a tidal wave. I don't understand science."

"Did you hear about the dyslexic KKK member? He went around killing gingers."

"I brought a classical musician back from the past to prove that my time-machine works, but I can't find him. He must be Haydn."

"Me: Don't be mean to my friend. Her: Your friend just broke in my door and almost strangled me. Me: I said he was my friend, not yours."