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Joke of the Day

"A homosexual, a pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar. The bartender asks him what he would like to drink."

"I didn't flan on getting divorced and now my wife wants custardy and she's pudding our kids in the middle :("

"*zips up tent* [Wife]: What happened [Me,scratched up & clothes ripped]: I was uh.. *flashback to me being chased by a bee* wrestling a bear"

"Why do you forget a tooth as soon as the dentist pulls it out? Because it goes right out of your head."

"I was quite surprised when I was arrested for exposing a pedophile ring. All I did was moon a school bus."

"Did you know that the word ""gullible"" cannot even be found in the dictionary? The truth hurts doesn't it?"

"Most people prefer quilts over duvets but you shouldn't make blanket statements."

"It's too bad your funny status was ruined by your inability to spell."

"Sedated, cheese-loving, Northern Ed Miliband... and Gromit."

"Doctor: ""Sir, the results are in. I'm afraid you have a serious case of 80s Rock Bands Alzheimer's"" Patient: ""Oh my god. What is the cure??!"""