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Joke of the Day

"*zips up tent* [Wife]: What happened [Me,scratched up & clothes ripped]: I was uh.. *flashback to me being chased by a bee* wrestling a bear"

"Canadian Defenition Canadian (noun): An unarmed american with health insurance"

"My wife's a magician. She can turn anything into an argument."

"People who grew up in the 50's will get this. I was 15 before I realized that there was no reason why women's slacks had the zipper on the side."

"Elijah Wood and Toby Mcguire: whoever dies first gets played by the other in the biopic"

"What did Putin say after listening to the West whine about the invasion of Ukraine Crimea river baby"

"""Food expiration dates are lies. It's all about control."" My knife breaks as I cut into a plate of milk. ""I'm saving this for later."""

"[jokes allowed]Giant methane storms on Uranus Appereantly you can joke around in r/science [original link](http://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/2ybgx8/giant_methane_storms_on_uranus/) Here you go!"

"What's the difference between a potato and a vegetable...? Not knowing how to use a coathanger..."

"What do you call two gay Scotsmen? Ben Dover and Phil Mcrakkin"