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Joke of the Day

"What do an elephant and an apricot have in common? They're both grey.....................................well except for the apricot."

"I licked 8 lollipops and sealed them in ziplocs during my stomach flu if anyone needs to lose 5lbs by the weekend."

"What kind of rodent DDOS attacks Al Queda's Twitter account? An anonimouse"

"Ray Rice's wife apologized for her part in the ""incident""?!?!? That's insane. What did she fumble her purse?"

"I have a joke. Just kidding."

"What do you call the queue of Software Engineers standing outside Heaven ? The Y2K deadline !"

"What did one plane said to the other plane? Can I crash at your place?"

"How do you titillate an ocelot? .... .... You oscillate its tit a lot"

"""Hello from the outsiiiiide. I must have called a thousand tiiiiimes"" - me, drunk, leaving my wife another voicemail because I'm locked out"

"A kid asks his Dad ""what does 'gay' mean?"" The father says ""It means 'to be happy."" The son asks ""Are you [gay!](http://www.afterfeed.com/)?"" The father says ""No, son. I have a wife."""