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Joke of the Day

"What do you call the queue of Software Engineers standing outside Heaven ? The Y2K deadline !"

"To make small talk interesting, stare inquisitively at one spot on the person's face until they self-consciously touch it."

"[cat support technician] Me: So you're here to fix my computer? Cat: *nods* Me: Great, here it is. Cat: *lays on keyboard & falls asleep*"

"My dentist kept telling me i have too much acid in my diet. So I told him he has too much fire on his head."

"Crazy Ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolates. They'll kill your dog."

"Him: Will you marry me? Me: omg what did I do, why don't you want to have sex with me anymore?"

"A man was masturbating for 48 days straight until finally he blew his load It was a long time coming."

"If at first you don't succeed, then you will have alerted them to your presence. It is important that you at first succeed."

"I went into a medical shop. ""Have you got anything for irritation?"" ""Yes,"" he said, ""But where exactly?"" I said, ""Fuck knows, you tell me. It's your shop."""

"Q. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant? A. Any place without a drive-up window."