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Joke of the Day

"Cigarettes are like Squirrels... They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire"

"*boyfriend and girlfriend in shower* Girl: do bad things to me babe Boy: *flicks shampoo in her eyes and trips her over*"

"Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they're not passing you some fake shit."

"Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A. Your mother ate us out of house and home."

"Being an HR, whenever I get a new batch of resumes, I always throw half of them in the garbage. I don't want unlucky people working in my department."

"Ain't no party like a missing child search party Cause a missing child search party don't stop."

"Who is in cowboy films and is always broke? Skint Eastwood."

"Knock Knock, Who's there? Fuckin' Jenny. Now gild me and give me upvotes."

"Your mama so classless... She could be a Marxist utopia."

"Used to have no life. Now I have a laptop and Facebook!"