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Joke of the Day

"Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A. Your mother ate us out of house and home."

"Hey Guinevere *knight flips up his visor* Hast thou considered my proposal? Because *unsheathes blade* I'm sword of a big deal."

"I showed up to my girlfriend's house. She said, ""Why, don't you look nice!?"" I said, ""Thanks."" ""It wasn't a compliment."" she added."

"What's a divorce attorney's favorite dessert? Wedding cake"

"She was only a fishmonger's daughter .. .. but she'd slap it on a slab and shout ""Fillet!"""

"Me: *Buys nutribullet* will this baby take down a vegan? Cashier: No, it's not an actual bu... Me: *loads nutrigun* Cashier: What the heck?"

"What happens when you zip up a lion? It rars"

"whenever i see sombody obsessively taking photos of the sunset, i go up to them & whisper ""dont worry.. the sun is gonna come back tomorow"""

"I was out shopping today; guess who asked about you?! Nobody."

"So while Lane Kiffin was managing the Alabama offensive... he had Nick Saban's daughter handling the D?"