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Joke of the Day

"Used to have no life. Now I have a laptop and Facebook!"

"Legend has it that if you don't look a coworker in the eye they won't stop to tell you about their weekend."

"Well if you didn't want me to fall in love with you, why did you tell me you had nachos?"

"Last Man on Earth star Will Fortes wife just gave birth a a girl.. They named her Kia"

"I used the think that correlation implied causation, but now I know that it doesn't. I took a statistics class last year, and that might have helped, but I'm not so sure."

"So how do you stop eating the endless breadsticks at Olive Garden does the restaurant close or are you supposed to bring a spotter with you?"

"Kermit the Frog's favorite sex position? Pig in a Blanket."

"A friend asked me to rate the movie ""Django"" I gave it a 3/5."

"A few minutes ago while I was lifeguarding, an old lady told me that I looked like a lion pacing back and forth. Now I'm nervous for my dentist appointment on Thursday."

"It's gotta be nice being a mortician... People are always dying to meet you."