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Joke of the Day

"Being an HR, whenever I get a new batch of resumes, I always throw half of them in the garbage. I don't want unlucky people working in my department."

"Never get drunk before you write your grocery list. You'll end up adding things like ""vegetables"" and ""someone who will marry me."""

"Other girls think they are quirky because they pet dogs at parties. I on the other hand, fear death but also long for it"

"[turns to date during movie where bank robbers laugh & toss money around motel room] They won't be laughing when it's time to pick it all up"

"Did you hear the one about the baseball player murdered mid-game? He went down swinging!"

"My favourite sexual move is the JFK I splatter all over her face while she screams and tries to get out of the car"

"OWNER: The museum's ready? ME: All the artichokes are in place OWNER: Ha, you mean artifacts [I slam the door shut] ME: U cannot go in there"

"What is the most complicated ""Your Momma"" joke you know?"

"adopted son son: mom i am 100% sure i am adopted, you do not Love me. mom: if we have had adopted a child, we would have adopted the one with better face."

"So excited! I'm taking an online grammar class. No more typos for me. Nolege is power biches!"