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Joke of the Day

"I wanted to take up yoga. I contacted a yoga instructor and told him I wanted to be able to do the splits. He said ""what's your flexibility like?"" I said ""I can't do Tuesdays""."

"If Killing someone else is homicide... ... and killing yourself is suicide. Then killing your mother-in-law must be pesticide."

"The doctor said I have Matchbox 20/20 vision . . . Typical RobThomatrist."

"There were two peanuts walking down a dark alley One was assaulted."

"I'm no auto mechanic but I'm pretty good at letting people who drive behind me know whether or not they need new brakes"

".one-liner here lately i.ve been feeling a void in my life; it.s probably nothing..."

"iSpy, with my little ""i"" a lawsuit from Apple for trademark infringement."

"They'll continuously make Fast & Furious movies until it's a bunch of old men trying to get out of a grocery store parking lot"

"""Video games are art,"" I say as I change my created Madden player Todd Poopman's height to 6'9""."

"Auto correct changed ""mingle"" to ""mangle,"" and now I've been uninvited to a Superbowl party."