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Joke of the Day

"WHY DID THE HIPPOPOTAMUS NEED HIS VENTILIN? BECAUSE HE WAS HIPPOVENTILATING!"

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything!"

"Kids these days don't give a fuck about acid They're all about that base. Credit to /u/Assorted_Jellymemes"

"Two Irish schoolboys... 1: Hey, Pat! What's the craic? 2: Not much, Brian. I had a pint yesterday. 1: Oh! Really? I thought you were only 15? 2: I am! 1: So what was it? Guiness? 2: No, it was water."

"Wife: Have you seen my stilettos? Me [6 inches taller and struggling to stand]: Uh *stumble* No"

"Today I lost my virginity for a dollar I wish I didn't bend down to pick it up."

"Happy 15th bday, Internet Explorer! We baked you a cake. What's that funny taste? Definitely not poison. Have another slice!"

"Sex is a lot like chess. It takes strategy, patience, there's a horse there, the queen is watching."

"What do you call a bored motherfucker? Grandpa"

"If you trip over in public, a cool thing to do is break into a jog, leave the country, have plastic surgery and change your name."