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Joke of the Day

"Two Irish schoolboys... 1: Hey, Pat! What's the craic? 2: Not much, Brian. I had a pint yesterday. 1: Oh! Really? I thought you were only 15? 2: I am! 1: So what was it? Guiness? 2: No, it was water."

Next Joke
 
"Turning 30 is like fucking your sister Your dad wishes he could do it again."
"ME: Pet it OPTIMUS PRIME: But I'm afraid of it ME: It's just a dog OP: Oh..ok [reaches out] DOG: [sneezes] OP: [transforms into large truck]"
"Excuse me while I go slip into something more alcohol."
"I bet Melania Trump really regrets buying a speech off Craigslist now."
"If you arrive fashionably late in crocs... you're just late."
"How do you Think the Unthinkable? With an Itheburg."
"What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you drink out of that little thing?"
"Did you hear about the guy who thought he performed brain surgery on himself? Turned out, it was all in his head."
"During an inspection of the federal penitentiary, I saw a bald inmate beat up a warden. I guess the warden was hit by a Smooth Criminal."