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Joke of the Day

"I've been called the Trump of the bedroom... Because sex with me builds up emotional walls that they end up paying for."

"This forest scent air freshener is really working. Three elk have moved into my living room."

"Did you hear that Jesus starred in a porn? it was called ""the second cumming"""

"Dandruff. Plastic bags. Dish soap --> things more interesting than my friends' Facebook updates"

"1st wise man: I brought gold for the baby 2nd wise man: [hiding frankincense behind his back] actually that gold is from both of us"

"How many gay guys can sit on a stool? Four, if you flip it upside down."

"What is a neckbeard's favorite type of wood? m'hogany"

"I only drink a little, but when I do, I turn into another person... ...and that person drinks a lot."

"Personally I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and Father I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course no one pays the least bit of attention."

"Did you hear they're gonna make a new TV show about Bruce growing up as an unloved child? They're gonna call it Punky Bruceter."