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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a musical instrument made of gelatin? A jello!"

"Hi, you've reached my voicemail. Why didn't you text me? I'll never call you back. Like, ever. You'd have better luck with a telegram."

"ALCOHOL: The nighttime laughing, slurring, blurring, shouting, pounding head, confidence, so you can turnt shit up medicine."

"Father: How were the exam questions? Son: Easy Father: Then why look so unhappy? Son: The questions didn't give me any trouble just the answers!"

"How do you make a hormone? Kick her in the cunt."

"I told my boss I needed a raise to stay at work because there are three different companies showing interest in me... He asked me which companies and I told him, ""The gas, electric, and cable ones"""

"If the world was made of LSD, I'd learn to walk on my tongue."

"My parents are super religious.... At night all I can hear is ""Oh god! Oh god! Jesus!"""

"What does a gangbanger have in common with a soda machine? They both don't work and always take your money"

"DRIVING ON HIGHWAY Wife: You just missed a right. Me: Thanks babe you just MRS right."