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Joke of the Day

"Donation A man knocked on my door the other day asking for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I have him a glass of water"

"Test results are in, you might want to have a seat ""I'd rather stand"" Are you sure? You have ""Falls Down When Gets Bad News"" disease *Thud*"

"Did you heard about the cardiac arrest victim? He was shocked when he survived"

"he died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish"

"Why didn't the neuron cross the road ? It was Nervous"

"Me texting friend: Hey! What's up? Buddy: *sends picture of ceiling* Me: I am so glad I didn't ask ""how's it hanging"""

"What kind of Lettuce do serve on the Titanic? Iceberg Lettuce! :D"

"ME: I'd like to order...the updog. WAITER: How would u like that prepared? ME: um medium well? W: very good Me: oh god what have I just done"

"#1: Too many people still answer the phone like they don't know who's calling."

"When I die I want to invite my college group mates to my funeral and have them bury me So they can let me down one last time"