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Joke of the Day

"ME: I'd like to order...the updog. WAITER: How would u like that prepared? ME: um medium well? W: very good Me: oh god what have I just done"

"A blond and a brunette jump off the empire state building... Who lands first? The brunette. The blond had to stop and ask for directions."

"My wife just found a pretzel in her hair and then she ate it and I didn't know I could love her more."

"You can tell which side of your pillow is the cool side because it's the one smoking a cigarette."

"A man comes home to find his wife in bed with his best friend, he immediately picks up his gun and shoots the wife He gives the dog a second chance though"

"What does a guy want more than anything in the world? It doesn't matter. He has to ask his wife first."

"What can't teenage girls do? Even"

"Beauty is in the Eye Of The Tiger."

"*Bursts into bank* Robber: THIS IS A ROBBERY. HANDS UP. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. Bank clerk: No that's clearly a shotgun 2nd robber: OOOH SNAP!"

"What do you call a promiscuous woman who travels a lot? Abroad."