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Joke of the Day

"Why doesn't George R.R Martin use Twitter? Because he killed off all 140 characters."

"How'd you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later."

"I recently started my new job at the zoo circumcizing elephants... The pay isn't great, but the tips are huge."

"A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants the bartender asks ""doesn't that thing annoy you?"" The pirate says ""arr, it's driving me nuts"""

"What is the name of the event in which Hillary supporters move out of the US? A start."

"I'm so tired I could eat a horse."

"*deletes embarrassing drunk tweets *tweets embarrassing sober ones"

"HOW TO BECOME A CRAZY CAT LADY: 1) Get a cat. 2) Repeat."

"I'm at an age where I don't spring into action. I dead of winter into action."

"What came first the car or the wheel? The car because a wheel isn't cary fast but a car is wheely fast."