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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff"

"The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score."

"When people ask me ""Plz"" because it's shorter than ""Please"" I tell them ""No"" because it's shorter than ""Yes."""

"Q: How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb? A: Scotsmen don't change light bulbs it's cheaper to sit in the dark"

"Whale: Hey did you hear I have a new girlfriend? She's aaall over me it's crazy. Eel: For the last time barnacles don't count as girlfriends"

"TIL that a Russian submarine was accidentally destroyed by a Russian warship that mistook it for an enemy submarine. Oops, wrong sub!"

"*throws keys at nearest sober person* DRIVE ME HOME PEASANT"

"Dating is good practice for parenting because you learn not to care when someone is crying in a restaurant."

"Guys what shall we call thing that impedes movement? GUY NAMED BARRY: ""How about a barry?"" GUY NAMED BARRY BARRY: ""How about a barrier?"""

"Why do Electricians make terrible revolutionaries? They know resistance is a waste of energy."