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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff"
Next Joke
"I can only please one person a day, and i already pleased myself this morning.. so y'all are screwed!"
"[teenage girl reading horoscope tweets] ""Scorpio's drink water when they're thirsty"" OMG THIS IS SO ME"
"College graduates, did you know there are people that went to Princeton that can't find a job? And you just went to a normal shitty school."
"Spell roast five times, r-o-a-s-t, r-o-a-s-t, r-o-a-s-t, r-o-a-s-t, r-o-a-s-t. What do you put in a toaster? I usually put bread in a toaster."
"Pro Tip: you can't just be sorry. You have to understand why I expect you to be sorry and be able to articulate that back to me in detail"
"50 blondes Q:What do you call fifty blondes lined up ear-to-ear? A: A wind tunnel. #ThugLyfe"
"He asked where I wanted to go for dinner, and that's how the fight got started."
"What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do? He stays awake all night wondering if there is a dog."
"Have you ever gone camping with Crohn's disease? Shits in tents."