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Joke of the Day

"What kind of fabric does Mario use? Denim denim denim."

"Two blondes walk into a building... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it."

"Jesus walks into a hotel He throws a bag of nails on the counter and says: ""Can you put me up for the night?"""

"I recently got a device that can remotely slow down any car And as an added bonus it shows me what speed they're going at too!"

"""The actor who plays the villain in No Country For old Men was causing trouble in my bar last night."" ""Javier Bardem?"" ""No, but I will if he does it again."""

"My neighbor is crazy. After playing some Justin Bieber at high volume at 7 o'clock this morning, he commited suicide by shooting himself 8 times in the back with my gun."

"How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face. A joke from a 3 year old who thought it was hilarious, but probably didn't understand it."

"My daughter just asked me how to spell bourbon so she's either asking Santa to hook up her old man or writing a letter to child services."

"Ian: ""I'd like to report my guide dog missing."" Cop: ""Right. When did you last see him?"" Ian: ""I've never seen him."""

"I was tasked with ordering coffee supplies for the office... I sent an email to all the staff asking if they wanted flavored creamers or regular creamers. Their answers were half-and-half."