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Joke of the Day

"Ian: ""I'd like to report my guide dog missing."" Cop: ""Right. When did you last see him?"" Ian: ""I've never seen him."""

"Donald Trump has banned shredded cheese. He's going to make America grate again."

"If I ever go to prison, I'm gonna make damn sure everyone knows my street name: Butthole Teeth."

"""It's 5 o'clock somewhere."" - a shitty watch."

"My 5 y/o's best Knock Knock joke yet Knock knock Who's there? Monkey balls Monkey balls who? Don't you mean monkey *bars*?"

"What does Matthew McConaughey think about an all white, Republican Government? Altright, altright, altright"

"How do you know when a hiptser is a good secret agent? You've never heard of him."

"I spent the whole day cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean trying to find out where my son hides his weed."

"Waiter I can't seem to find any oysters in this oyster soup. Would you expect to find angels in angel cake?"

"Why do owners of muffler shops sleep so good at night? They're exhausted."