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Joke of the Day

"What's black and blue all over and hates sex? The five year old in my trunk."

"Did you hear about the lesbians that built a house yeah, they didn't get any studs, it's all tongue and groove"

"Dear Kids, there is no Santa. Those presents are from your parents. Love, Julian Assange - *WikiLeaks*."

"What do you call a Jihad male cow? Abominable"

"Have you heard the original version of Stevie Wonder's hit song? I just called to say.....I found the phone"

"An autistic girl asked me out today And I said yes. I guess you could say I like girls that are down for everything"

"Getting friends with benefits is easy If you hang around the welfare centre long enough you're sure to meet a few nice people."

"Sneak into the employee bathroom at Target and make some violent alien noises, maybe leave a jellyfish in the toilet"

"i went to a bookshop And asked for a book about tortoises. The woman asked ""hardback?"" I said ""yeah, and little heads."""

"*Baby presses 'snooze' to stay in womb extra 10 minutes*"