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Joke of the Day

"Dear Kids, there is no Santa. Those presents are from your parents. Love, Julian Assange - *WikiLeaks*."

"My girlfriend started smoking... ...so I slowed down and applied lubricant."

"What kind of underwear does John Grisham use? Pelican Briefs I'll go find a bridge"

"Every picture I've seen of Neil Patrick Harris the last ten years has been of him adjusting his shirt cuffs. He needs better shirts."

"I can never seem to get a good picture of wheat. It always comes out grainy"

"What you call a responsible porn star? Fistfully conservative!"

"When I was 16, I thought I could slam and lock my bedroom door in the house my parents paid for. So they took my door. That's 80s parenting."

"How do you kill a whole Circus at once? Aim for the Juggler..."

"My books fell on my head last night.... I only have my shelf to blame. :("

"Guess what I saw? wood"