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Joke of the Day

"My sister read '50 Shades of Grey' and relayed some of its explicit content. I pretended to think those things are shocking, too."

"I told a boy I loved him once. We were 6. He punched my arm & stole my cake. Life lesson. Never lose sight of what's important. #Cake."

"Why do neutrons shoot through dense material, but get reflected by softer material during Radiography? Have always been curious of this."

"[couples therapy] Mrs: he's too handsy, always touching me all over... Mr: [who is an octopus] I CANT HELP IT LINDA IM LIKE 90% HANDS..."

"What's Mr T's favourite dessert? Petit Filous (Credit goes to my ex wife for this one)."

"If diet and exercise are not working for you, try actually dieting and actually exercising."

"I never really understood porn. I mean what does she really see in him? I doubt he even loves her."

"My cell phone is so nervous whenever I go to the countryside... ...it's constantly on EDGE."

"Why is it difficult to make fun of the Large Hadron Collider? Because it's hard to discern."

"CLEVELAND: We want a championship. DEVIL: ok, but you'll have to host the Republicans. CLE: ...Fine. DEVIL: Trump's the guy. CLE: We want 2."