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Joke of the Day
"A sloth walks into a bar 10 minutes later, bartender says ""Sorry we're closed."""
Next Joke
"Why does the coffee taste like shit? Because it was ground this morning."
"Why did Microsoft skip Windows 9? Because... Windows 7 8 9."
"How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning."
"I bought a toilet brush at the store the other day but it kind of hurts so I think I'll go back to paper!"
"Why can't your hand be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.."
"My husband gets so mad when I introduce him as my first husband."
"What is Newton's fifth law of motion? If you run around a tree at the speed of light you can literally fuck yourself."
"Me: You never told me you were on the debate team in college.. Her: Yes I did. Me: No you didn't. Her: Yes I did. Me: Oh you're good!"
"Contrary to popular belief, it's actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress"