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Joke of the Day

"Why did Microsoft skip Windows 9? Because... Windows 7 8 9."

"Please continue finishing your text in the crosswalk, Mr. Pedestrian. It's not like I'm driving a giant metal instrument of death."

"They say real women have curves. Well, then, the lady in front of me at Starbucks is a real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real woman."

"It's the first day of Autumn so let's make like Humpty Dumpty!! And have a great Fall!"

"Are you a mum? I am not a dad! Maybe you could help me with that!"

"what has more brains than kurt Cobain? the wall behind him"

"Me: Okay 2 it's time for bed 2: NO! Mommy go to bed Me: Okay *goes to bed"

"What are the three biggest lies an Oklahoma State fan tells? I WON this belt buckle, I OWN that truck, and I swear to God I was just helping that sheep over the fence."

"""To serve and protect."""

"Nothing worse than taking a run and then having to take a shit when your a mile & a half away from ur bathroom. I almost shitted in a bush"