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Joke of the Day

"BOSS: I'm sorry mike, but you've been downsized ME: (75% of my original size, in a voice 125% higher pitched) ahh maaan"

"Do you know what the one vegetable that isn't actually vegan is? Terry Schiavo."

"What is an Italian redditors favorite meal? Fettuccini Alfedora."

"What do you call... What do you call it when a person in a wheelchair tries to get through a non-automatic door? A tard time"

"What Job will Mr Miyagi take on when he retires from Martial Arts? Plastic Surgeon. Japanese accent ""Rax on, Rax off"""

"APOLLO: I'll be god of the sun HERMES: OK I'll take light- A: I'm also light ARTEMIS: I'll take music A: No I'm also music. That's me too"

"i wish u could kill cops in mario kart"

"The fattest man in Britain has sadly died. Cremation will be held at 12PM on Wednesday..... and Thursday..... and Friday."

"I finally figured out what flies and mosquitoes are for. They're gods way of making us slap ourselves."

"Q: If everyone in America started driving pink cadillacs, what would you have? A: A pink car nation."