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Joke of the Day

"Cat burglar: Quietly steals all your valuables Dog burglar: Eats your ham, sleeps in bed with you for awhile, wakes you up to go out at 3am"

Next Joke
 
"What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef! Bonus joke: What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean Beef!! Double Bonus: What do you call a cow with one leg stuck in the ground? Steak!!!"
"After watching Interstellar, I really want to buy a Lincoln."
"Hitler wasn't all that bad, He killed Hitler."
"Never ever... Never trust a midget that tells you your wife's hair smells nice."
"You're like school in the summertime - no class."
"divorce Wife to husband: I want a divorce. You always tell me I am fat. Husband: Dont be crazy. What about our child ? Wife: What ? What child ? Husband: So you are not pregnant ??"
"Today we honor St. Patrick, the patron saint of puking and peeing."
"I've been at this elementary school talent show for half an hour and I've already heard ""Shake It Off"" 137 times."
"The ocean isn't shark-infested. It's the ocean. That's where sharks live. We aren't supposed to be there. Humans infest the ocean."