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Joke of the Day
"Today we honor St. Patrick, the patron saint of puking and peeing."
Next Joke
"What is the difference between a peeping tom and a pick pocket? A pickpocket snatches watches"
"Each of my 4 children has made me a better parent. So I figure I only need 34 more kids to be a pretty decent guy."
"""Annie are you ok?"" -yep ""Are you ok?"" -dude, I just said yes ""Are you ok Annie?"" -THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS MICHAEL"
"The interviewer asked me, ""What's your worst quality?"" I said, ""I tend to speak my mind."" He said, ""I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing..."" I said, ""I don't give a fuck what you think."""
"What did the lawyer say when he stepped in dog shit? Help me..... I'm melting"
"Sometimes I get scared robots are going to take over. Then I use a motion-controlled sink."
"How do you find a vegan at your dinner party? Don't worry, they'll tell you."
"We were called to the Paralympics this year. Several wheelchair athletes were caught using the banned substance WD40."
"What does vlads wife say about his premature ejaculation? Just putin, don't Russian"