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Joke of the Day

"I've been at this elementary school talent show for half an hour and I've already heard ""Shake It Off"" 137 times."

"I liked that new movie about the masseuse. It had a happy ending."

"What do you call it when someone accidentally gives you a handjob? A stroke of luck."

"3 Men Walk Into a Bar One of them should've noticed. (credit to my brother)"

"I'm coming down the home stretch of the semester... its getting tough, my work is starting to pile up faster then the rape allegations against Bill Cosmy"

"A hotel just offered me a job making beds. I think I'll turn them down."

"I'll bet you, like me, average the most ""uh""s per sentence when ordering at a fast food drive thru."

"Dear Restaurant Managers: If more than 3 employees ask me how I'm enjoying my meal, I begin to wonder if you know something I don't know."

"Never underestimate the power of a hug. Or a slap upside the head. Whatever works."

"Did you hear about the gay (native American) indian? He was a brave fucker."