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Joke of the Day

"My puppy is a bastard son of a bitch His mother is a single mother"

"It's awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open."

"The plan was to keep eating these alcoholic chocolates until I was either drunk or diabetic. I didn't bargain on ""bankrupt"" being an option."

"I woke up because of birds chirping.nI wish I had wings too.nI would fly to each of these birds & choke them one by one. n6 am is too early."

"I always cary a clump of my hair in my pocket so when people say, ""I like your haircut"", I can respond with, ""Thanks. Here, have some."""

"Know how the iPhone 6+ was invented by men? Only men would call something that measures 5.5 inches, ""six plus"""

"Why do women have smaller feet than men? So that they can get closer to the sink."

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

"Meaningless statistics are up 17% today"

"FYI fellas: if u wake up with some chick and u can't remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They'll write her name on the cup for ya!"