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Joke of the Day

"Set of jumper cables walks into a bar... The bartender looks them up and down really slow and says, OK, I'll serve you, but don't be starting anything."

"Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not an egg timer?"

"Danger is my middle name. First name: Avoid. Last name: At-All-Costs-Like-A-Total-Pussy"

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, was the dwarfs' mother high when she named them all?"

"A blind man walks into a bar I'll have a glass of wine, he says. Red or white, the bartender asks. It doesn't matter, he answers, I'm blind."

"Why do police officers sleep with two rocks near their bed? With one he turns off the light, With the other he checks if the window is closed"

"I'm afraid my pet's going to die soon - he's already 14,000,000 in rock-years"

"You said I could have my way with you. If you didn't want me to experiment with gas and fire, you should've been more specific."

"My girlfriend went to get her test results from the doctor today and it was bad news. He confirmed I'm about to become a husband."

"the (please) fresh (lead) deli (me) sandwiches (into) at (woods) Walgreens (and) are (shoot) actually (me) pretty (in) good (head)"