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Joke of the Day

"A blind man walks into a bar I'll have a glass of wine, he says. Red or white, the bartender asks. It doesn't matter, he answers, I'm blind."

"Q. A fireman had two sons. What did he name them? A. Hosea and Hoseb"

"What did the grape say when an elephant stepped on him? Nothing, he just let out a little wine."

"ME: Eat your lemon PIRATE: No ME: It stops scurvy PIRATE: [folds arms, shuts eye] ME: [carves tiny skull on lemon] PIRATE: [opens eye a bit]"

"If I got $1 every time somebody called me a racist I'd have tree fiddy"

"Life stops when you stop dreaming, hope ends when you stop believing, love ends when you stop caring, friendship ends when you stop sharing."

"All a farmer needs to do to get a girlfriend is... ...attract her."

"Harry was blind. His friends bought him a silver-coated nutmeg grater. When they asked how he liked it, he said it was the most violent story he'd ever read."

"Why can't elephants go skinny dipping? They can't get their trunks off..."

"I was in the mood for nuts this morning so I chased a squirrel for 3 miles and the little prick led me right to his stash, yum!"