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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend went to get her test results from the doctor today and it was bad news. He confirmed I'm about to become a husband."

"Boy giraffe: You wanna? Girl giraffe: Ok, but kiss my neck first. Boy giraffe: But Babe, we only have 3 hours!"

"Why did Dracula go to the orthodontist? He wanted to improve his bite."

"I never would've noticed that you removed me as a friend, until you tried to add me back."

"Rupert Murdoch today said that he was very touched, by all the messages left on Amy Winehouses' phone."

"What do you get when you cash in your memes for karma? A dank statement."

"A guy just offered me 8 legs of Venison for 40. Does that sound too dear?"

"Sorry I pretended I was drowning so you could see how incredible my hair looked underwater."

"What's the difference between a Jew and a Muslim? Who cares! More bacon for me."

"My dolphin died... I have no porpoise in life."