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Joke of the Day

"I rented The Interview on ITunes tonight. I have to say it was the most boring movie I've ever seen. Two hours into it and it still isn't ready to play."

"What's the difference between modern pop and Christmas music? One is 6 people singing 100 songs, the other is 100 people singing 6 songs."

"When someone tells me they're sick I try to make them feel better with a story about my own sickness that was much worse and many years ago."

"What is the most religious medicine? The Deacon gestant"

"What do you call a fat psychic ? A four-chin teller."

"If Satan lost his hair... ...there would be hell toupe."

"Packing my daughter's prom kit...lip gloss, stun gun, pepper spray, switchblade, and I've uploaded all 5 seasons of Teen Mom to her iPhone."

"""You go girl!! Your dance moves are on point! Why not get up on stage for some karaoke too! You're an amazing singer!"" - Vodka"

"How do you make Obama's eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in his ear."

"I've survived 23 years by pretending to be smarter than I am. I tell people I excel in Academia but I can't even point Academia out on a map"