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Joke of the Day

"Packing my daughter's prom kit...lip gloss, stun gun, pepper spray, switchblade, and I've uploaded all 5 seasons of Teen Mom to her iPhone."

"What do you call a deceptive feline? A lion. Get it guys lol? Lion ~ Lying I'll pounce myself out now..."

"Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all."

"What did the vampire say when his son scraped his knee? **""Suck it up""**"

"Why do Australians always win 4D chess? Double check, mate"

"How many ISIS mercenaries does it take to change a light bulb? None stupid crusader, that's a job for the hostages!"

"What is the worst part about being black? You never know if your gums are bruised."

"Me: We spend a lot of time together. Her: Turn left. Me: Just think we should take this to the next level. Her: Arriving at destination."

"Did ya hear about the Mexican who kept washing his dog? They were spic and spaniel"

"Damn girl are you baking chocolate? Because you're bitter as fuck."