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Joke of the Day

"Synonym is an antonym for antonym, but antonym is not a synonym for synonym. And I'm not even high or anything."

"What's 1+1? More than one!"

"What did one doughnut say to the other... ...you look a little glazed"

"Why did the boy call 911 when his father ran a red light? He didn't want to go home early and do his homework!"

"This guy. This guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes outta no where."

"""Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight"" - The Swiss Army"

"I moustache you a question but I'm shavin' it for later Sean Connery."

"Do seagulls ever wake up in the morning and take a moment to gather their thoughts, or do they just go straight into seagull stuff?"

"Some nights I stare at the stars wondering if you can see the same ones Then I realize, of course you can, I'm in your backyard"

"Dracula & other undead people who sleep in coffins must have good abs. They always rise up flat-backed when the casket opens."