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Joke of the Day

"This guy. This guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes outta no where."

"We're all equal. But I'm more equal than you."

"Do you know why super villains are so good at math? Because of all their practice plotting."

"Do you guys want to hear about my Friday night? I had quite an experience at home by myself. At one point I even picked my coat up from the floor. It was off the hook."

"Sorry I booped your nose when you said that you loved me."

"Siri just said I'm looking for love in all the wrong places so I'm tryin to figure out what happened to Siri and how my mom got in my phone."

"Hate eating nachos with someone at the theater and our fingers touch. Especially if I don't know them, and they don't know we're sharing."

"Why is the ulna the second funniest bone in our skeleton? It's near-humerus."

"What does a clever sentry on guard duty say when he wakes up to see his commanding officer standing over him? Amen"

"My dad said the key to a good marriage is ""never go to bed mad."" Then he said ""In fact, never go to bed at all!"" and handed me a bag of meth"