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Joke of the Day

"I moustache you a question but I'm shavin' it for later Sean Connery."

"How many Horsemen of the Apocalypse does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. War never changes."

"Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there's an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien."

"TIL that if a seamstress messes up even one stick, the thing van unwravel Oops. Wrong thread This^ joke type is stupid and I hate it. Maybe you won't"

"My life. Best joke I know!"

"Aaanndd I've just been peed on. Were I Tila Tequila I'd have met 1 of my New Years resolutions before the clock had even struck midnight"

"Funny that when some people go out for 'fresh air', they come back in smelling like 'weed'"

"what's the healthiest thing about eating a wheelchair? The vegetable."

"What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone? I can't make a vitamin"

"The stock broker said to his mistress I'm going to put everything I've got into rubber, and if it comes off I'll marry you."