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Joke of the Day

"Why did the lawyer refuse to take payment when defending the lead singer of U2? Because he said he was pro Bono."

"Cinderella is my favorite story about women who fight over a man who doesn't even remember what a woman he spent the night with looks like."

"Don't tell me you love weddings, you love open bars."

"Nigel: You said the school dentist would be painless but he wasn't. Teacher: Did he hurt you? Nigel: No but he screamed when I bit his finger."

"Why did the insomniac get arrested? He resisted a rest."

"If You're Having Vocal Problems... ...I feel bad for you, son. I've got 99 problems, but my pitch ain't one. I apologize in advance."

"There once was a lady from Madrass... There once was a lady from Madrass Who had a magnificent ass Not pretty and pink as you may think But had long ears and ate grass. Credit: Playboy, circa 1970s"

"Q: What do blonde's have against condoms? A: Their cheeks."

"*therapist writes in pad* Me: Sometimes I feel like people don't notice me- *therapist jumps* Therapist: SHIT! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?"

"The dogs bark but the caravan moves on."