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Joke of the Day

"*therapist writes in pad* Me: Sometimes I feel like people don't notice me- *therapist jumps* Therapist: SHIT! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?"

"I knew someone had added dirt to my garden. And so, the plot thickens"

"If I was a waiter & asked if the customer was done eating & they said no, I would say 'fat fuck'. Then draw a hippopotamus on their check."

"No one is sure how much it cost Coke to sponsor the Paralympics, but it undoubtedly cost an arm and a leg."

"I will spend a minimum of three minutes looking for something resembling a spoon before breaking down and washing one."

"What is the frequency of a broken tailbone? My butt Hz."

"My first mistake was thinking she couldn't hit a moving target."

"I hate when someone wants to have sex with me for superficial reasons before they even know how funny."

"Why did the frog cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken"

"A Mormon walks into a bar."