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Joke of the Day

"At the gynecologist Young woman:Doctor,last few days I can not feel the IUD string.What I am going to do now? Doctor:Well, now you can have sex with no strings attached!"

"Irish girl What does an Irish girl do after she's sucked cock? Spits out the feathers."

"I have a lift off a colleague to work everyday, and always feel ill when we go under bridges.... I think I must have carpool tunnel syndrome."

"I'm thinking of going as a pimp for Halloween. Anybody know how the CEO of Wells Fargo dresses?"

"Yeah, I'm basically a Pokemaster. *waves vaguely at shelves of confused squirrels in partially sealed Tupperware containers*"

"What do my wife and my math teacher have in common? They both love to create problems that I am apparently supposed to solve."

"I let my kids follow their dreams, unless I already paid the registration fee on their last dream, then they follow that for 6-8 more weeks."

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. [Credit Jack Handy, I believe]"

"Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning Hippy? Because he was too far out, man."

"What's more inbred than English monarchs? Wheat."