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Joke of the Day

"Yeah, I'm basically a Pokemaster. *waves vaguely at shelves of confused squirrels in partially sealed Tupperware containers*"

"At our local restaurant you can eat dirt cheap - but who wants to eat dirt?"

"I'm writing a book about poets who have been jailed It's called prose and cons"

"What does a black guy do after sex? 15 to life"

"10yo: When in doubt, albatrout. Me: What the hell is albatrout? That's not real. 10yo: Now you're in doubt! Me: But... 10yo: ALBATROUT"

"I took my dog to the vet The vet picked up the dog and examined him and said ""I'm sorry, I've got to put him down"". ""Why, what's wrong with him?"" ""He's too heavy"""

"I had this roomate who was weird I used to write and one day I turned around. He had his cock out on my writing paper and was drawing a line around it. I never should have moved in with Dick Tracy."

"[first day as a coroner] me: he died at 11:42AM detective: are you positive me: it's hard with all this death but i'm hanging in there"

"Waiter (serving soup): It looks like rain today. Patron: Yes it does but it smells like soup."

"What do you call a Female Clown? A Clunt."